well this sucks

Working in collections for as long as I did has ruined my temper and patience level. I have no patience at all, and i get frustrated EXTREMELY easily. And I absoloutely hate it. I'm aware of it while it's happening and I still can't control myself, I can't curb the attitude in my voice, and I can't stop myself short to force myself to behave like a human being.
It's been happening ALOT lately, especially with my boyfriend, and I'm getting really really agitated with it. I'm trying really hard to change it, fix it, stop doing it - but it's not as easy as you would think. I spent three and a half years being a professional bitch... I've been out of that profession for just over a year now... and that's a year of trying to maintain my composure while frustrated... and failing. And I'm really really really sick of it. I'm sick of treating people poorly without meaning to, and sick of saying I'm sorry for something I should be able to control...

I have enough things about me that I dislike that I can't control, it's really upsetting that I can identify something that needs to be changed and being totally ineffective at making it happen. Gah