and it continues....

I love it when misery perpetuates itself.

I'm not what I appear to be.
I'm told I come off strong, confident, happy.
The majority of the time I am the latter, but the first two waiver quite a bit from time to time.
When I have bad things happen in my life I shell up inside myself, and need to take the space to deal with my own problems. This might not be the right way, but it's my way and it's the way I've learnt to deal with my emotions. And I need to deal with it my way.

I get really anxious when people start trying to get into my head un-invited. If I'm not talking about something to you please do not take it as a slight to you - it's just the way that I deal.
Please do not inferr this to mean that you have done something wrong, I am upset with you, or that this has anything to do with you at all.
Because it doesn't. This is me dealing something I've never had to deal with before. I'm struggling though it and I think I'm doing alright with it - but I'm not emotionally capable of easing your mind about things between you and I constantly.

So I'm at a loss. Do I avoid you until I get my head worked out so as to not cause tension between us? Would that not cause more tension?
I certainly can't handle another what happened last night. That kind of situation freaks me out, and makes me very apprehensive.
So yeah. Floundering.